“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”
Here are the final five disconnectors.
- Trying to avoid conflict or discomfort. Conflict is a natural and necessary part of every relationship and team. Strong connections are built by managing conflict, not by avoiding it. Relationships are made stronger by acknowledging and dealing with challenging issues. Put the issues on the table and talk about them. You don’t need to enjoy difficult conversations, but you do need to have them. Do not avoid … engage!
- Withholding or distorting information to make yourself look better. Teamwork is about sharing, not hiding or manipulating. Great relationships thrive on open communication of thoughts, ideas, and information. When people see you spin information to make yourself look better, it creates distrust. No hidden agendas.
- Using a style that doesn’t connect with the other person. People have different styles of communicating and interacting. You must be willing and able to flex the way you communicate. Don’t get stuck in your style. Rigidity will get you into trouble. Flexibility will help you connect.
- Hearing what you want to hear. We tend to listen selectively. There is a strong tendency to listen for confirming information and ignore disconfirming information. We hear what we want to hear rather than what is actually being said. The bottom line is that if you don’t listen, you won’t connect.
- Not putting in the effort necessary for real communication. In today’s accelerated, rapidly-moving world it is easy to get lazy about communication. Connecting is a skill that requires focus and discipline. If you don’t do the work, you won’t get the results. You don’t get the relationships you want. You get the relationships you build. Beware of wanting more than you are willing to work for.
Trust God and do the work to develop and build your communication skills. Be hayil in the way you communicate and connect with the people in your life.